U sound like Fergie and Jesus :))

okay okay okay so i have now been in boston 4 officially a day and i luv it!! these r the magical things that have happened to me since i've been here:

*magically got put into 1st class on the plane over here

*bought and read Twighlight (of which i totally recommend to every1)

*saw Step Brothers at 11:20 and stayed out til 3am (btw step brothers is da shiz, u must watch it)

*saw my bro in law play in his soccer league

*got a new haircut

*got a platinum streak..okay its jus blonde not rele platinum :P

*ate sum sushi

*ate shellfish and got hives

yeaaa so this has been filled with excitement :)) and tmrw is shopping, getting my eyebrows dun, and maybe a science museum or salem :))))))

all hope is not lost

okay so i jus woke up...and yea yea yea i kno...its kinda late but i got another email from "him" ....wait u kno wut...i'm gunna give em a nickname like in sex and the city, or was that actually his name, Mr.Big...i always thought it was jus a nickname but w.e. ... but from now on he shall b Manny...lame yea but its the 1st thing that came to mind and well i gotta write fast b4 my mom figures i'm awake, so yea well in the email manny was all like yes i ment what i said when i said i'd ask you out agn bc he said he wasnt jus giving me false hope and he rele ment it...so i was like awww he rele is the best....but i had a quesiton...i didnt ask him this but jus a question that arose in my mind...okay b4...in an email from yesterday, he said he wanted to b a better bf then my ex...of which he's kinda friends with, and i mean y would he even compare himself to him, bc in my eyes manny was like 10x better then my ex, like idk wut it is but his personality made him 10x better bc my ex was pretty much dead behind the eyes, no offense to him but it was true, and manny is all life, it was pretty much a breath of fresh air...and i liked it...a lot...and he even cared enuff to let me go...but ya kno...i jus rele wish he told me how he felt about me...like explain his feelings towards me...like in words bc as u can tell, its rele easy for me to get things down on paper bc i am a natural writer...but i jus wisshhhh i culd kno how he felt abt me, like jus try to explain it 2 me...bc honestly if someone dus rele like another person...it shuldnt b hard to write how u feel bc words will jus flow out like water out of a watering can, it may take a little effort but it will come out eventually and it will only b easier every time....but yea i jus rele wish he told me...jus so i kno where i stand...bc i feel out in the blue for the moment but honestly...it wuld make my day jus to hear how he felt...it wuld pretty much make me feel much better and not so bleh all the time...but i found out this morning that he cant even read my blog bc its blocked on him computer...so he'll nvr b able to read any of this...but if one day...by random chance he will...i wuld want him to read this...among others...

not too shabby

okay so the whole wallowing in my own pool of sadness wasnt so bad...i mean i still ate a whole bunch of crap that will prob make me sick in like the next 20minz but i mean i didnt sink to the level of princess diaries, jus will and grace, i survived a japanese game show, and friends, which isnt too bad, its the perfect combo of laffs so i guess it helped for a lil bit...but now i'm bak to the weird wallowing in my pool of sadness...idk i still cant get him out of my mind, he's like a song that wont go away, that will play all day in my head...but like on the other hand...i dont exactly want the thoughts to go away... its nice having a memory to live off of sumtimes...ya know.... wen u dont have anything else

self pity much?

as a result of my weird wallowing in my own pool of depression thing...i decided to take a trip to kroger after my bookstudy 2day...and it mite have been the most interesting/sad trip i've had to kroger in a long time...so 1st things 1st i had the strangest craving for grape tomatoes so i got sum but i was getting all pissed bc all of the boxes wer like nasty and then i finally found one, then i got my ranch dressing and i was all like thank goodness, then i needed cheese and meat for my weird sandwich fetish, so i went to find cheese....and there i stood in front of the cheese area for like 20 minz bc i culdnt decide what cheese i wanted and plus i wasnt thinking straight either so i finally decided on sum cheese named muenster...and to tell you the truth...i've nvr tried it in my life so i jus pretty much picked random cheese...gawsh i hope its good....then i picked my meat and i got salami...but that took me awhile too bc once agn i culdnt think straight...then i was like I NEED ICE CREAM! so for another 20minz i stood in front of the ice cream fridge and deliberated on which one i shuld get...bc i COULDNT THINK STRAIGHT! so i ended up getting Summer Peach Pie and i jus ate sum and it was stellar! jus plain tasty...then i'm on my way home and there is this guy in the car next to me, windows down, singing along to a pretty good song, and i suddenly got a revelation! my ice cream was gunna melt in the trunk...(i'm deep, i kno) annnndd that he jus seemed so happy and seemed like he didnt have a care in the world and jus lived in the moment and i was like wow, he looks like he knows how to have fun...and then i got home, i had to open the garage by hand as usual and wen i opened it i was so concerned that this bug was gunna land on me, i didnt notice that the garage wasnt all the way up and it was still like half way down and i totally ran into it...it hurt so bad..so now i have like a monster headache...ughhh gawwwsshhh...i dont think this whole self pity thing culd get any worse...so now...i'm about to go wallow in my own pool of sadness and go watch princess diaries accompanied by a sandwich, sum grape tomatoes, and peach ice cream...yayyy for me...yay 4 my self pity...oh gawsh i'm a sad sad chick

no sleep?

okay so yea...2nite...i am sooo not gunna get any sleep...my heart hurts (not literally)...i feel like crap...and idk wut to do with myself anymore...and my mind is still racing abt thoughts of "him" and this and that and gah idk wut to do...but all i do kno is that i shall get no sleep 2nite...bc even if i did get sleep..nothing wuld help calm my mind...its jus that wen i do have nothing to do...the 1st thing that pops up in my head is him...and idk y it jus is...and i mean its sooo annoying bc i want to b able to relax and try to not b so upset and crap but its hard wen he's all i can think abt and hmph...idk i jus kno i wont b able to sleep bc at the rate i'm getting worked up...it means no sleep...and idk y..i shuldnt even b worked up still..but i am...idk i've NEVER been so worked up abt a guy...i dont think i've ever held on to a guy this long after we've broken up....something dus not seem rite...i knew from the start that i felt differently abt "him" then any of my other bfs and it was much better like it was the hardest thing to explain but it was the best feeling ever..i didnt kno wut to call it...but he tells me he feels the same way abt me...and ugh...i find that highly unlikely bc if he did feel the same way towards me...he wuld b as worked up abt me too bc honestly like how i felt/feel 4 him wuld honestly b the hardest thing to let go of...and it seems to me that this whole thing dusnt seem to bother him much..and its jus kinda bothering me...and i never get bothered period..like i jus dont...this has been a weird day...i was dumped and i'm experiencing emotions i never feel....gah...idk i've ever felt so messed up in my life

still standing?

okay so lately, due to the fact that i have been pulled into this weird limbo state of me being sad, depressed, but seriously feeling no emotion...weird? yes...true? absolutely...i have undergone a weird addiction for Lifetime...you kno, that channel that old ppl watch a lot...and like i have been watching still standing a lot and will and grace a lot too, both stellar shows, and i mean i was watching still standing like 10 minz ago and totally noticed that my weird and complicated love life is exactly like Linda's (Judie's younger sister) and i was all sitting ther on the couch with my baggie of popcorn thinking to myself, dang, i am not alone, and yesss i realized that ppl totally have it worse then me, 4 example: those girls you hear abt who get left at the altar :(( sad stuff man, and that like totally tops my sitch bc seriously if the whole being left at the altar thing happened to me....i wuld like die...idk wut i wuld do...i think i would b able to function in a normal atmosphere anymore :( bc think abt it, if i am all like bleeehhhhhhh now over like being dumped throo email..think of how i'd react to being dumped on my wedding day...ouchie...i dont even wanna think abt to b honest :(( but now idk wut i wanna do with myself honestly bc i'm usually so self absorbed in trying to achieve LEVEL:PERFECT GF i've nvr rele known what to do without the goal bc (this is way b4 i was ever in a good-ish relationship) if i wasnt in a relationship and i was totally single, i'd take a trip to the mall and find myself a new man, of which the mall has a great selection :) but hmph as soon as u make plans with them and they r all like my gawd ur so hot, u find out they have a freakn gf...they nvr told u abt...thus leads me to my point abt the whole i've been played too many times to count thingggg....but dang i jus noticed...of how much i rant abt "him"...and how much i'm all like blah blah blah blah over reacting and stuff...i find myself rele rele rele rele rele rele hating being single...gah i now mark this moment pathetic loser moment number 2!

boston or bust

okay well as u may kno i am leaving for boston this friday (yayyyy) i am so psyched but like the whole thing abt moving on from "him" and finding a new man in boston itz jus that honestly...i dont want to move on....i like having the thought of him...and having the thought of what we had...hmph he is so great...gawsh i am not worthy of his awsum-ness...which brings me to another point...wuld i even be a good gf?? seriously? wuld i like suck up all the fun in the room? wuld i only b a downer?? ...i jus wanna b the best gf possible to whomever i date...is that too much to ask for?